All That We Have Left
by pommedeplume
Summary: (November 1, 2004): James and Lily Potter have been killed in a car accident leaving their one year old son, Harry, an orphan. In the midst of their grief, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black discover that the Potters have left guardianship to Harry to them.
1. Chapter 1 - A Great Loss

Sirius tossed the ball to his godson. Harry caught the ball as his father cheered from the park bench he was seated on next to Harry's mother. Harry was two years old and this was his birthday.

Harry, with some effort, tossed it back to Sirius who hand to bend over to catch it.

"Good job, lad!" Sirius said, "He's getting strong! What've you been feeding him, James?"

"You'd have to ask Lily about that one, I'm afraid," James said.

Sirius glanced at Lily who had put down her mobile phone and was now giving James a bemused look, her green eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"What?" James said and laughed.

"Do you see this Sirius? He never wants to take credit for anything!" Lily said.

"Yes. The man worships the very ground you walk on. It's disgusting!" Sirius said and tossed the ball back to Harry.

"I could say the same thing about you and Remus," Lily said and winked at Sirius.

Sirius felt his face warm with embarrassment.

"Did I just make Sirius Black, blush?" Lily said then lightly smacked James on the shoulder.

"It appears you have, my dear," James said then brushed a dark hand through his black hair.

"Where is Remus, anyhow?" Lily asked as Harry ran at his godfather's legs. Sirius fell back laughing and grabbing the boy. Harry giggled and made happy sounds.

"I'm not sure. He should be here soon. I sent him a text an hour ago telling him where we were," Sirius said and clutched his godson to his chest and held him tightly for a moment. He then lifted the boy up. At two years old he already looked so much like his father aside from the green eyes he had clearly inherited from his mother.

"What about Pete?" Sirius called out.

"Taking care of his mother, as usual. Peter did say he would be here, albeit a little late," James answered.

"I'm here!" a voice called out.

Sirius looked over and saw their friend Peter standing there smiling.

"Hello, Peter," Sirius said.

"Sorry, I'm late," Peter said.

"Not a problem, Pete. Come sit down with me and Lily," James said and Peter quickly obliged him.

Harry lay on Sirius's chest and he looked around at his friends. The only one missing was Remus and he should be there shortly. Just then Harry grabbed some of Sirius's long black hair and pulled.

"Ow! Why you little rascal!" Sirius said and laughed which made Harry stop and laugh. Harry then hopped off Sirius's chest and ran over to his parents. Lily grabbed Harry up and kissed him on his forehead then James leaned over and did the same.

Just then Sirius noticed Remus was standing over him. Weird that no one else was reacting.

"Sirius," Remus whispered.

"Yes?" Sirius said.

"Sirius, I need you to wake up," Remus said and suddenly things were dark and fuzzy but Remus was still standing over him. Sirius realized with regret that he'd only been dreaming.

Sirius reached over and haphazardly turned on a lamp. He rubbed his eyes then looked up at Remus. His brown eyes were red and puffy. He'd been crying! But Remus hardly ever cried.

"Remus, what's the matter?" Sirius said, feeling his heart begin to pound and his fingers begin to tremble.

Remus looked down in regret, clearly struggling to find words.

"James and Lily… they're dead. I'm sorry. So sorry," Remus said, his voice quavering.

"Dead? What do you mean dead?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. James and Lily are dead," Remus said and then crouched down and put a hand on Sirius's bare shoulder. Sirius felt numb and confused. Surely, he misunderstood what Remus had said. Then he remembered Remus's eyes and knew in his heart that it was true.

"What happened?" Sirius pleaded, feeling his eyes becoming watery.

"Car crash. Drunk driver," Remus replied. Sirius detected the slightest twinge of anger as he said this.

"What about Harry?" Sirius asked, his mind quickly being consumed by the horrible thought that his godson, who was in reality only fifteen months old, could have come to harm.

"He's fine, though they wouldn't tell me much over the phone. I don't believe in miracles but this might qualify," Remus answered and squeezed Sirius's shoulder in comfort.

Sirius felt his body began to shake and hot tears streamed down his face. Sobbing he leaned over and wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him tightly.

"I don't understand," Sirius cried.

"Me either" Remus said, and stroked Sirius's bare back affectionately.

Sirius wept hard in Remus's arms. He felt overwhelmed by the sheer force of his grief like the entire universe had been stripped away leaving only his loss. Desperately, he clung to Remus, the only thing he had left. Well… not the only thing.

There was still Harry.

* * *

><p>Remus sat alone at his and Sirius's dining room table with a cup of tea that was rapidly growing cold. The sun was rising now. He had been unable to sleep. Sirius however had cried for a couple of hours off and on before falling asleep in with Remus holding him in bed. Remus had lain there in near silence, minus Sirius's snores. He tried to let his mind wrap around the idea that James and Lily were gone. But every time he let his mind believe it he could feel the pain rising through his body, crushing him.<p>

So he decided not to think about it at all. Instead, he focused on Harry. Sirius was Harry's godfather but this in no way granted him rights to Harry. No, he supposed Harry would go to Lily's sister Petunia and her dreadful husband, Vernon Dursley.

He knew Sirius would want to fight for Harry but Remus knew a couple of gay men would have no chance against a straight couple, let alone one that was actually Harry's legal family. By law a same sex couple could adopt in the United Kingdom as of the year before and he and Sirius could adopt if they wanted. They had talked about it often. But adopting Harry was simply a different matter entirely.

Remus shuddered at the thought of leaving Harry with the Dursleys however and he knew that Sirius would like the idea even less. And worst of all: the Dursleys would shut them out of Harry's life entirely. If Remus could find a way to stop that from happening he would, for not only their sake but James and Lily's as well.

But there was nothing Remus could do to stop them from gaining custody of Harry. He sighed and took a sip of cold tea. At least Earl Grey tasted OK cold, he thought. Remus snickered despite himself as he remembered how much James hated Earl Grey.

_It's too flowery_, James had claimed. _I don't want to drink something that tastes like ruddy flowers!_ Remus thought Earl Grey had more of a citrus taste than anything else. He took another sip. Lily on the other hand loved Earl Grey though she insisted on adding milk to it which Remus didn't understand. All it needed was some honey and it was perfect.

Remus took another sip of the tea and then it was gone. He looked down at the cup. Empty. Not at all dissimilar to how he felt. He chided himself for being so cliche but it was true. He wasn't sure how grief would feel. He had briefly cried in private after he had received the call before steeling himself to tell Sirius. But since then all he'd felt was numb and empty.

Remus wished he could weep like Sirius had wept and get it all out. But he had trained himself to hold it all in, long ago. He had been bullied relentlessly as a young man at the academy he attended on a scholarship by a boy named Severus Snape. Remus learned to guard his emotions to prove that Snape's taunts and homophobic slurs didn't get to him.

Lily Evans was Snape's best friend, well, at least until she realized how badly Snape had been bullying him. When, they were twelve Lily befriended Remus as a way of apology for not seeing how Snape had been treating him. They quickly became best friends.

The following year, Sirius Black had arrived as well as Peter Pettigrew later in the year and they both became friends. Remus had fallen for Sirius quickly. He was tall, black haired, and handsome. Remus had assumed Sirius was straight just like all the other boys seemed to be so for a time he put his crush out of his mind. And anyway, Remus had thought himself hideous, on account the scarring on his face.

It wasn't until they were sixteen when Sirius finally admitted how badly he had been pining for Remus and they had been together ever since then.

James Potter was Sirius's best friend from the moment Sirius arrived at the academy. James had arrived the year after Remus started at age eleven. He and Remus were only acquaintances for several years. But by the time they were all sixteen James was dating Lily, Remus was dating Sirius, and Peter slowly became friends with all of them.

As the years passed the bond between them all only grew stronger. Sure, Peter had seemed distracted these last few years, what with his mother's poor health, but mostly they had all stayed close. Until, now at least.

Remus made a groan which became a yawn. He supposed at this point he may as well take a shower and prepare for figuring out what was going to happen next.

Showers had once been a thing of great fear and stress for Remus. But as he stepped out of the shower, dripping with water and reaching for a towel, he glanced over at the mirror, seeing the great scar that ran diagonally across his face and the the other scars that were scattered across his torso, he felt almost nothing but the tiniest twinge of past pain.

When he was six years old he had been kidnapped and held in a basement, alone with the man's wolfdog. When Remus tried to escape the wolfdog attacked him. The sounds of the dog and Remus's screams had alerted people nearby and they called the police.

After that, Remus's memories became more fuzzy. He knows he was in the hospital for awhile and he knows that the man got away. The house where he had Remus was not his own and they found no way of identifying him. He was still out there… somewhere.

As a teenager, Remus had thought he was hideous but Sirius Black had never cared. He made Remus feel attractive in a way he did not believe was possible before. Even now Sirius's love and devotion sustained him and made him feel whole.

After he dried and and dressed he went back out into the rest of the flat. Sirius was awake and seated on their couch. He looked miserable.

"I called and asked about the funeral. It's tomorrow," Sirius said.

Remus nodded and went to comfort his boyfriend.

* * *

><p>The funeral was a grim affair. It was closed casket. Many people they went to school with were there, including Severus Snape. Sirius tried not to stare and sneer at him. What did that git think he was doing here? Was he still pining after Lily after all these years? Why couldn't he let it go?<p>

Peter was there and he and Remus greeted him. Peter looked broken and distraught. Sirius wondered if he looked as bad as Peter did. Was Remus really having to watch him suffer this greatly?

A social worker was there with Harry. Sirius had wanted desperately to go over and see the lad but thought it might be better not to even if it might be his last chance. Soon Harry would be whisked away to stay with the Dursleys and he might never see him again. Strangely, the Dursleys weren't here today. He assumed they would be eager to get their hands on Harry and the small fortune James's parents had left him.

Sirius had asked the vicar before hand if he could read a eulogy for James and Lily and was allowed. He had written it in haste the night before. It wasn't very long, regretfully, but as James's best friend he felt he should say something.

He stood before the crowd of mourners, his hands trembling with the paper on which he had scrawled it flapping in the cool autumn breeze. Amazingly, it was not raining in Manchester that day.

"I met James Potter here at school in Manchester in 1997. We were both from London but we didn't know each other. London's large, you see," Sirius started. His voice was shaky and he could hear it but was trying to ignore it. He looked over at Remus, looking serious but handsome as he honey brown hair fluttered in the breeze. Remus nodded at Sirius to keep going.

"Though my family are wealthy and well known if I'm being honest I never had that many friends as a child. James may have been the first real friend I ever had. He approached me on day one at the academy. He invited me to meet his parents who were the most amazing people, God rest their souls."

Sirius didn't believe in God and yet he had written that line into the eulogy. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps, it sounded nice.

"When James began dating Lily I had worried that I had lost him but the truth was…" Sirius broke off to choke back a sob then continued, his voice shakier than ever, "the truth was I had only gained another amazing friend, one so kind and tolerant that I will forever be in awe of her."

Sirius could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks and nodded to the crowd. His eulogy complete he walked over to Remus who held his hand tightly. Sirius looked around to see if anyone noticed or cared but no one seemed to.

* * *

><p>Sirius silently got in bed while Remus laid there, also silent. The funeral had been hard for them both, Sirius especially. He hadn't said a word after reading his eulogy for James and Lily, not even once they were home. Remus had made them both some tea and set out some biscuits which Sirius never touched.<p>

Remus slid behind Sirius to spoon him. They both slept naked. Sirius was cold all over. Remus rubbed down Sirius's side from his shoulder to his thighs in an attempt to warm him.

"Thank you," Sirius said in a whisper. Remus was glad to hear him speak.

"We'll get through this," Remus said.

"I hope so," Sirius said.

"I know so," Remus said and kissed the back of Sirius's head.

After a moment, Sirius asked, "Remus… will you… will you make love to me?"

"Of course," Remus answered and kissed the bare flesh of Sirius's upper back. He felt his prick rapidly hardening. He took a hand and slowly drifted down Sirius's torso. He found Sirius's prick in his nest of dark curly hair and wrapped around it, loving the feel of it in his hand, small, curved and very hard.

Remus pressed his hard erection against the crack of Sirius's arse. Sirius reached back with a hand and pressed it against Remus's thigh, urging him to come closer. Remus kissed the side of Sirius's neck while he began to stroke him softly while he rubbed his thick shaft against his arse causing Sirius to let out a small gasp.

"I need you, Remus. Need you inside of me," Sirius said. Remus kissed his cheek then rolled over to grab the bottle of lube from his night stand which he poured into his hand then used it to slick up his long and thick shaft. He put the bottle down the rolled back over to Sirius.

Remus's hand was wet from the lube and he reached over and slicked up Sirius's cock as well. He then moved the head of his prick to Sirius's anus where he let it rest for a moment before slowly pushing it inside, being careful not to go too fast and hurt Sirius.

"Oh God, Remus, push it deeper," Sirius said, his voice low but urgent. Remus obliged him and pushed himself inside as far as he could go causing Sirius to let out a deep moan.

Sirius began to stroke himself as Remus clutched a hand to Sirius's hip and began to to push himself in and out of Sirius. Remus had a moment of wanting to completely ravish Sirius but knew this wasn't the time. Sirius was hurting and needed affection more than anything else.

Remus planted soft kisses on Sirius's neck as he continued to fuck his arse. Sirius was frantically stroking his cock so Remus sped up his thrusts to match, feeling pleasurable tension mounting. It wouldn't be long. He was looking forward to this release after this last few days.

Finally, Sirius shuddered as he came and Remus felt the pleasure explode, hot and calming through his body and his cock pulsed his hot spunk into Sirius's arse.

As soon as they had both recovered Sirius rolled over to face Remus then leaned over and kissed him deeply, his lips warm and welcoming. As soon as their lips parted Sirius said, "Thank you. Not just for the sex… for everything. For being a solid foundation for me to stand on. I couldn't make it without you."

"Of course you could, Sirius. You're stronger and braver than you know."

* * *

><p>The phone rang at eight A.M. and woke Sirius up. He could hear Remus talking but he couldn't understand the words he was saying. He did catch a word that he could recognize: Harry. As Remus hung up the phone Sirius looked over at him expectantly. He couldn't read what emotion was on Remus's face exactly but he thought he looked surprised.<p>

"That was a social worker from Care Services. They say…" Remus started then inhaled deeply, "They say James and Lily have left guardianship of Harry to us. To both of us. They've just set up a meeting with us both for this afternoon."

Sirius was stunned. Surely, he had misheard Remus.

"They've left Harry to us? Surely, this must be a mistake," Sirius said.

"It's not. Apparently, they just needed time to verify the document James and Lily had written up," Remus said.

"But we're gay! And not married!" Sirius said.

"I don't think that matters. What matters is that we now have to decide if this is what we want. We're both still young. This will define our lives until Harry reaches adulthood," Remus said, sounding very serious.

Sirius thought for a moment. He had to admit he never saw himself being a parent at only 21. But the thought of Harry being in the care of the Dursleys… no. There was no other choice.

"Yes. I want to do it. I want Harry to be ours. I want to raise him," Sirius said and reached over and grabbed Remus's hand then finished, "With you."

Remus smiled and kissed Sirius on the forehead and said, "Harry is all that we have left. Let's make this count."


	2. Chapter 2 - Becoming Parents

_December 1, 2002_

It was cool and grey at Ardwick Green Park in Manchester. Sweater weather, Remus thought as he walked inside the park. He could see Lily across the park in the part for children. She was swinging on a swing set.

Remus adjusted the collar of his sweater then walked over to her. She was wearing her favorite red sweater. She'd had it since they were sixteen. It gave him a brief nostalgic feeling back to the time when he and his friends had only just became friends. He felt silly feeling so nostalgic for events not that long passed.

Remus walked over and sat on the swing next to her and began to lightly swing. He couldn't really sit in it comfortably but for the moment he didn't mind.

For a moment Lily said nothing. She had glanced at him and smiled when he arrived but since then she had seemed distant and distracted.

"Well, feel free to spit it out. I walked all the way over here from my flat. What's on your mind?" Remus asked, trying his best to sound interested and not pushy.

"I'm pregnant," Lily said, looking over at him with a smile, her feet dragging across the pavement to slow the speed of her swing.

"Pregnant? Really? Congratulations!" Remus said and planted his feet to stop himself from swinging.

"Yeah. I'm excited," Lily said and looked away. Remus thought she didn't sound so excited even if she seemed happy.

"What about James? He must've been thrilled!" Remus said.

"Haven't told him," Lily confessed, sounding regretful.

"You haven't told him? Are you serious?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. I am," Lily answered, her tone frank.

"May I ask why not?" Remus said.

Lily looked down at at her trainers, obviously avoiding the question. Her long, dark red hair covered her face completely, giving Remus no hint of what she was thinking. She then stood up and started to walk away. Remus quickly stood up from the swing and walked after her.

"Lils, what is it?" Remus said with concern.

"What if we're too young?" Lily admitted as they walked casually along the path.

"I'm not sure worrying if you're too young will make a difference. What's happened has happened," Remus said.

"Has it? I could abort it, couldn't I?" Lily asked, her Yorkshire accent coming out thick.

Remus nodded and said, "If that's what you want. Do you?"

"Not really. Did think about it though. That's not what I want," Lily said.

"What is it you want then?" Remus asked.

Lily stopped walking and sat on a bench nearby. Remus joined her. Lily scrunched up her in face in consideration of Remus's question making Remus laugh.

"What?" she said turning towards him.

Remus shook his head, still laughing then put his hands in his face.

"I'm sorry," Remus said. "You've always had a knack for amusing faces."

Lily smiled and shook her head before saying, "What I want is for this to not be happening now. I wish we were older. I don't mind too much though I am scared."

Remus leaned over and rubbed a hand on her back in comfort for a moment then pulled away. A sudden gust of wind blew and Remus shivered. He could feel moisture in the air and knew it would rain soon.

"You and James can manage. You have my complete faith, as always," Remus said and looked up at the cloudy sky, blinking as a drop of water splashed in his eye.

"Thanks Remus," Lily answered. "You're a wonderful friend and great bloke."

Remus snickered as he wiped his eyes.

"I do try," Remus answered then gestured at the path and said, "Shall we walk?"

Remus stood up and Lily followed. They continued to walk down the oval path around the park, not saying much for a time.

Finally, Lily spoke: "How are things with you and Sirius?"

"Very well, thank you," Remus said as another gust of wind came.

"Is he feeling better? You know after his dad passing away and all," Lily said, and brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"Yeah. Not that Sirius has any great love for his parents," Remus admitted.

Remus and Lily came upon an older woman, and what appeared to be her granddaughter, feeding pigeons. Remus smiled and nodded at them then walked around them. He wasn't sure feeding the pigeons was the greatest idea but he decided to stay silent as he was sure they meant no harm.

"Remus…," Lily started but trailed off.

"Yes?" Remus asked.

"I think I feel OK about the baby," Lily said.

"That's excellent," Remus said and smiled at her.

"They'll have Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius to make sure we're not fucking it up," Lily said.

Remus scoffed playfully.

"I'm not sure about Uncle Sirius. I'm not so sure he's very good with children. Though we have talked about adopting one day. Maybe when we're older. It's not like the law will even allow us now. At least there's not much risk of either of us getting pregnant," Remus said.

"Sirius will be a great dad! Just you wait and see!" Lily said then laughed and Remus against his best effort laughed with her.

* * *

><p>The social worker carried Harry into the room. Remus and Sirius stood up and it was Sirius who grabbed Harry from her and clutched him tightly. Harry was heavier than Sirius remembered and it had only been a couple of weeks since he'd last held him.<p>

Their initial meeting with Care Services had gone well but it had still taken time to process paperwork and ensure that Harry would be safe with Remus and Sirius.

Sirius felt tears well up as the boy made happy sounds. Remus placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder and said, "He's safe now."

Harry was wearing a little red tee shirt and brown shorts. Sirius didn't remember ever seeing them before. Must be new, he thought. He went to kiss Harry's forehead but noticed something just as his lips touched his skin.

"What's this?" Sirius asked.

"Hmm," Remus said and looked at Harry's forehead then gasped a little.

"Oh, sorry. I guess we forget to mention that cut. It's not very big. Spare piece of glass cut him. We're just glad it didn't get in his eye," the social worker said.

"Why didn't you mention this?" Sirius said, barely holding back anger.

"I'm very sorry," she said, sounding sincere so Sirius let it go.

Sirius examined the cut. It seemed to be healing well already, only just over a week since the wreck. It didn't even seem to need a bandage anymore.

"Looks sort of like a lightning bolt, don't you think?" Sirius asked.

Remus frowned then nodded.

"Yes, I suppose it does a bit. Hopefully, it won't leave a scar," Remus said.

Sirius held Harry right and asked, "Do we just go now?"

"You are free to go now whenever you like. Best of luck to you both, Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin," the social worker said nodding at them both.

Remus grabbed their paperwork and they headed off to the carpark. Remus had already purchased a car seat for Harry and the previous day they had made a dash to get as much food and toys as they could afford.

Sirius realized he could go and grovel to his wretched mother, Walburga, but there wasn't a chance in hell of that happening. Otherwise, neither of them had much money. Remus worked at a vintage clothing shop and Sirius was contributing largely with money he had saved from working odd jobs or money his parents had given him years ago.

James Potter's parents had left him a great deal of money when he died but his and Lily's will specified that it be kept until harry's eighteenth birthday at which point he would have access to it.

Sirius wondered if James would've left him and Remus a little money if they had known how suddenly he and Lily would die. Perhaps, they expected if they ever died it would be later when he and Remus were in a better place financially.

Halfway on the drive back home Harry started crying, loudly. Sirius looked back at Harry in distress while Remus drove.

"What does he need?" Sirius cried out.

"Food, perhaps," Remus said.

"Why didn't we think to bring him a bottle of formula?" Sirius asked.

"I did. I asked you to get it," Remus said, glancing over at Sirius in slight dismay.

"Bollocks! I'm rubbish at being a parent, aren't I?" Sirius said as Harry continued to scream. Sirius reached into the bag they brought and pulled out a plush lion doll they had got him and handed it to Harry. Harry took it and examined it with interest. It seemed to calm him.

Sirius turned back and face forward in his seat again and sighed.

"Try and relax, Sirius. We'll figure it all out. We're nearly home, anyway," Remus said.

* * *

><p><em>September 31, 2003<em>

"There, that's a good lad," James Potter said as he rocked his infant son to sleep in his arms. Harry cooed then his eyes slowly began to close. Sirius beamed in awe at James. He took so naturally to being a dad, despite everything Sirius had said privately to Remus when he first told him Lily was pregnant.

Of course, he felt guilty now as James sat back onto the couch smiling down at Harry. "James Potter a father? Ridiculous! Poor Lily will have to do everything herself," Sirius had said. He cringed internally. He had been wrong. He brushed a hand back through his long dark hair and sighed.

"I'm sorry, James. I'm afraid I've done you an injustice," Sirius.

"Oh? How's that?" James said, clearly not accept that Sirius was being earnest.

"I told Remus I thought you'd be shite as a dad," Sirius admitted after exhaling hard.

"Really?" James said looking up at Sirius curious.

"Yes. Really," Sirius said and sat down next to James.

Sirius stared at James, expecting rage but instead finding him studying his now soundly asleep son.

"You're not angry at me?" Sirius said.

"No! Whatever for?" James asked, his voice nearly a whisper.

"For saying you'd be a shite father," Sirius said.

James laughed.

"Blimey mate. I must've told Lily the same about a hundred times. She said I'd be fine or at the least that we'd fuck it up together, equally," James said.

Sirius smiled in spite of himself.

"Where is Lils?" Sirius said looking around.

"Napping," James said. "Our schedules are fucked all to bloody hell if I'm being honest, mate."

"Oh?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah. We barely see each other right now. I work in the mornings while she's with Harry then get home and she goes to bed until it's time for me to go to bed," James said.

"Remus and I could take him for day or two, you know," Sirius said.

"That'd be wonderful. I'll talk to Lily and see how she feels. I don't see why it would be a problem though. Just need to make sure she pumps enough milk for however long you have him," James said.

Sirius was happy to offer help but secretly he felt anxious. What if something went wrong? What if just cried the whole time? What if… what if he dropped him? Sirius took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He was trying to learn to control his anxiety.

"James?" Sirius said.

"Yes?" James replied.

"I… I just wanted to say I'm really proud of you. You and Lily both. I don't think Remus and I could manage as well as you have," Sirius said.

"Thank you, Sirius. Don't sell yourself short though, mate. You'll never know until you've been tested," James said.

* * *

><p>Remus pressed his lips against Sirius's, gracefully moving against them. He was laying on top of Sirius, both of them fully clothed. The stiffness in his trousers rubbed against the stiffness in Sirius's.<p>

It had been a long day of trying to get things for Harry settled. Harry was mostly well behaved but he was crying a lot. Remus wondered if it was because he missed James and Lily. Surely, it must be.

He and Sirius hadn't made love since the night of the funeral over a week ago and Remus was eager for the feel of his lovers naked flesh against his. Remus kissed Sirius's neck while he slid a hand between their bodies and rubbed Sirius through his trousers.

Sirius threw a head back and made a frustrated huff Remus knew all too well. Remus then moved to the side of Sirius's head and nibbled on his ear lobe gently then whispered, "I would really love a mouth on my cock, right now."

Sirius smiled and Remus flopped down next to him. Sirius got on his hands and knees and moved between Remus's legs, crawling towards the significant bulge that lay there. When Sirius arrived Remus watched as he dragged a finger down the bulge making his cock twitch. Sirius then unbuttoned and unzipped Remus's trousers.

He then slid down his pants revealing Remus's long and thick shaft. Sirius grabbed it and stroked it, feeling the soft glide of his foreskin. He then slowly lowered his mouth to the head while Remus watched with burning anticipation.

Just then Harry began to cry. Sirius let go out Remus's prick and looked in the way of the living room where they had Harry's crib. Remus sighed and pulled his pants and trousers up and slid off the bed.

"I can get it," Sirius said.

"No, it's fine. I'll take care of this one," Remus said and walked out of the bedroom and through the hall to the dark of the living room where he clicked on a lamp.

He went over the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of formula from the refrigerator. He then went over to the crib and picked Harry up and handed him the bottle which he quickly took and began drink from, silencing his tears.

Remus began to sing to Harry quietly. He didn't know any lullabies so instead he sang 'Common People' by Pulp. Lily loved this song. She had often listened to it and loudly sang along with it, often encouraging him to join in. He had always been embarrassed but sometimes she did persuade him.

Remus wasn't sure if she would approve of him singing it to Harry but it seemed to be doing the trick. His eyes felt warm and wet and he hoped that maybe by singing it he was somehow reminding the boy of his mother's presence.

By the time Remus had finished the song Harry had finished the bottle and was obviously falling back asleep. Remus softly lowered him back into the crib.

As he turned to go back to the bedroom where he assumed Sirius was no doubt already passed out he suddenly jumped at the sight of the figure standing at the end of the hall watching him.

"Sirius! How long have you been standing there?" Remus said.

"The entire time," Sirius said through a sniffle.

Remus blushed in embarrassment.

"It was beautiful. You're going to be an amazing dad, Remus," Sirius said.

"We both will. Now, let's get back to bed, shall we?" Remus said.

"Yes. Let's do," Sirius said with a smile and headed back down the hall.

Remus clicked the lamp back off and made his way to the hall. Before going down it he stopped and looked over at Harry sleeping in the crib.

"Good night, Harry," Remus said in a whisper and went to join Sirius in the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3 - Siblings

"Happy Christmas, Harry," Sirius said and held a thin wrapped present out for the boy. Harry excitedly ran over and grabbed it from Sirius, giggling with excitement.

He and Remus hadn't been able to afford much. Taking care of Harry was already taking a serious financial toll on the both of them. In fact, Sirius was now completely broke and Remus was having to take more hours at work and was considering getting a second job.

As Harry shook the present and attempted to use his tiny hands to tear the wrapping off Sirius bitterly wished again that James had left him and Remus at least enough money to be able to care for his son. No, he thought, it really should all go to Harry. He and Remus would manage because they had to. And it's like not James knew he was going to up and die in a car wreck.

Remus sat next to Sirius underneath the small, fake Christmas tree Remus had inherited from his parents. Sirius had fond memories of visiting Remus at his parents home back when they were still at school and having this tree in their flat filled with a mix of sadness and nostalgia.

"No, Harry, get it out of your mouth," Remus said, calmly and reached over and pulled the present out of Harry's mouth.

Harry's teeth were coming in a bit faster than Sirius had expected and the boy seemed to be enjoying his new found semi-capability at chewing. Sirius wondered if James or Lily's teeth had also come in fast. He supposed he would never know.

Remus removed most of the wrapping off the present and allowed Harry to tear what little remained off himself. Remus then set the it down in front of Harry. Harry stared at the book then made an excited yell and picked it up and shook it some more.

"I'm not sure Harry appreciates this gift," Sirius said, trying not to sound impatient with the boy. Then, nearly surprising Sirius, Harry set the book back down and stared that the picture of a green caterpillar that graced its cover.

It was a miniature copy of a book called 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar.' Remus's parents had apparently read it to him and his sister when they were young. Remus had an attachment to it that Sirius did not.

Walburga and Orion Black had not been loving parents. They had mostly assigned the care of him and his younger brother Regulus to a nanny and she hadn't exactly been the most caring person either.

In any event, there was no one who cared enough to read him and Regs bedtime stories the way Remus's parents had so the feelings Sirius had as Remus plopped Harry onto his lap and read the book to Harry weren't of nostalgia but instead were fueled by love for Remus and Harry.

Sirius watched Harry's green eyes as they stared intently at the pages of the book. He looked pleased and fascinated. Already at eighteen months old Harry was beginning to look more and more like James. But he was finding that slowly the reminders of James and Lily were bringing him more happiness than pain. This was a marked improvement.

Remus had finished reading the book to Harry, who was clapping and laughing happily in reaction. Sirius cracked a smile and laughed and spontaneously grabbed Harry and lifted him up and shouted, "Hooray!"

Harry responded to this with his own yell of "Yay!" Harry didn't manage much more than a few words here and there. He was surprisingly quiet for a boy of his age.

Remus clapped then burst into laughter while Sirius held the boy aloft for a moment before setting him back down on the floor, gently.

Sirius had spent so much time worrying about whether he could manage this whole parenting thing that he hadn't realized how much fun it could be.

Lily and James had always seemed so stressed and exhausted he assumed that he wouldn't possibly have what it took. But now he realized the beautiful, fun and sweet moments made the effort worth it.

* * *

><p>Natalie had said she was stopping by for dinner. Remus looked at his watch. It was a minute passed noon already. Natalie was never late, Remus thought. Perhaps, she wasn't coming. He glanced regretfully at the roast beef and potatoes on the table.<p>

Sirius had put Harry to bed moments ago and was now seated across from Remus looking bored. Remus began to tap the potatoes on his plate with his fork in consideration of actually eating them.

Just then there was an enthusiastic knock on the door startling Remus into dropping his fork, causing a loud clang. Sirius let out a startled yelp and nearly fell out of his chair.

"Coming Nat," Remus said then ran over to the front door and unlocked and opened it quickly.

"It's about time, Nat," Remus started to say but then realized the person on the other side of the door wasn't his sister at all. It was a face he'd not seen in person in years. He looked a lot like Sirius though a bit smaller.

"Oh… Hello, Regulus," Remus said.

"Regs?" Sirius said in shock and ran over to the door to stare, open mouthed at his younger brother.

"Hello, Sirius," Regulus said, nervously.

"Where have you been? Everyone thought you were dead!" Sirius shouted in a mixture of anger and concern.

Regulus looked away from Sirius and said, "I guess I just got caught up in things."

Remus gestured for Regulus to come inside. No use in making a scene, he thought. Regulus stepped inside and looked around while Sirius gawped at him.

"What do you mean things?" Sirius said.

Regulus frowned then looked down at the floor seeming sad.

"I was seeing someone for awhile. It didn't work out," Regulus said.

"Seeing who?" Sirius demanded.

Regulus shook his head.

"Doesn't matter," Regulus said and went to sit down on their couch but jumped a little when he sat on a small, plastic block Harry had left their. Regulus looked at it confused but merely set it aside. So he didn't know about Harry, Remus thought.

"Of course, it matters. I'm asking aren't I?" Sirius said, sounding frustrated.

Suddenly, there was a sound of a baby crying and Sirius sighed and walked off to tend to Harry, leaving Remus alone with Regulus.

"Regulus, we were supposed to be having dinner with my sister but she seems to have not shown up. You are welcome to some roast if you'd like," Remus said, hoping to ease the tension.

"I've eaten," Regulus said, simply.

Remus nodded then slipped his hands in his trouser pockets feeling uncomfortable and wondering what have become of his sister. And then there was another knock at the door.

Remus turned around and opened the door revealing his sister who was looking apologetic.

"Sorry, Remus! I got caught in traffic! Bloody Manchester you know," Natalie Lupin said and gave her brother a warm hug before he let her inside. He was frankly surprised she hadn't taken the train.

Natalie was attending City University London to be a nurse and the drive from London to Manchester was considerable. Remus had assumed she would stop by their parents first but apparently that was not the case.

"Oh! Hi! You have a guest," Natalie said, having noticed Regulus looking dour on the couch.

"Natalie, this is Sirius's younger brother Regulus," Remus said gesturing at Regulus with a hand.

"Pleased to meet you," Natalie said and extended a hand out to Regs which he politely shook.

"Dinner's on the table, Nat," Remus said.

"Fantastic. I'm more than a bit peckish, I'll admit," Natalie said then immediately went to the table and sat down. Remus's sister was never one to hesitate when she knew what she wanted.

While, Natalie piled roast beef onto her plate she said, "Where's the baby?"

"He was napping but I think he woke up. Sirius is tending to him," Remus said.

"Baby?" Regulus said then turned and stared at Remus in shock.

Remus pursed his lips then nodded.

"I'm sure you remember James and Lily? They were in an accident. They've left their son, Harry to us," Remus said.

"Oh, I knew about the accident. I didn't know the kid had ended up with you, though," Regulus said, astonished.

"You heard about the accident? Who told you," Sirius said as he entered the room carrying Harry, who still looked very sleepy, in his arms. Sirius smiled at Natalie who smiled and wave back at him.

Regulus hesitated. Remus could tell he was nervous to answer the question, though he couldn't imagine why.

Regulus inhaled then exhaled and said, "Severus Snape."

"Snape? Have you been cavorting with Severus Snape?" Sirius asked, sounding appalled. Sirius handed baby Harry over to Natalie.

"Hello, Harry! I'm your auntie Natalie!" Natalie said then nuzzled her face against his wild, black hair.

Regulus looked ashamed and avoided Sirius's eyes. Sirius marched over to the couch and stood in front of Regs, forcing him to look at him. Regulus looked up at Sirius then nodded. Sirius shook his head in disappointment then plopped on the couch next to his brother.

"Why Regs? Snape… he's a complete and utter arsehole and a bully at that!" Sirius said.

Regulus shrugged.

"I thought he liked me," Regulus admitted.

"L-Liked you? You can't be serious can you? You were dating Snape? This is the person you were seeing? This is why you disappeared for a year and a half? Snape?" Sirius said, his voice gradually becoming louder.

Regulus nodded again.

Sirius let out a frustrated groan and slapped his hands on his legs.

"You don't understand, Sirius!" Regulus said, becoming defensive. "Sev said he loved me!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed.

"A man like Snape isn't capable of love. Only obsession. He wants to possess and manipulate people. The way he treated Lily… the things he said to her… about her. And James too! Always had something awful and racist to say about him," Sirius said. "He's a disgusting bully, racist and a stalker!"

"Oh, he's worse than that," Regs said.

Sirius stared at his brother, wide eyed in shock.

"Worse than that? How?" Sirius said.

"I don't want to talk about it," Regulus said.

"No. Tell me!" Sirius demanded.

Regulus shook his head and got off the couch.

"I'm gonna go," Regs said and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth before heading to the door.

"Regs! Wait!" Sirius said following him out the door. Remus walked over and saw Regulus light his cigarette and walk down the hall in their apartment building with Sirius yelling at him from behind. Remus frowned and went back to the table and sat down.

"I'm sorry about you having to show up in the middle of that mess, Natalie," Remus said.

"It's all right," Natalie said, giving him a small smile. "Family's complicated."

"Indeed," Remus replied.

* * *

><p>Sirius sat across from his brother in a pub. Regulus had his hands wrapped around a pint of beer on the table they were seated at and was staring at it intently. Sirius had finally managed to convince Regulus to stop and talk to him. Regs only agreed if Sirius would buy him a beer.<p>

The pub was filled to brim with people and fairly noisy. Christmas music played but could barely be heard over the constant rumble of voices.

As it was Sirius could barely hear Regulus when he finally spoke.

"What did you say?" Sirius said.

Regulus looked up from his beer and repeated himself, louder, "Sev seemed all right at first."

Sirius found it hard to believe Severus Snape every seemed all right. He remembered what that man had been like at school far too well. He knew the way he had bullied Remus. He knew the way he had stalked and obsessed over Lily Evans.

"What happened, Regs? Tell me everything," Sirius said, trying his best to make sure Regulus could hear his genuine concern.

Regulus's mouth twitched then he opened it and told Sirius everything.

* * *

><p>Remus shuddered awake at the sound of the front door opening. He hadn't heard from Sirius for hours. He hadn't even responded to his texts. Natalie had left earlier to say with their mum and dad and asked Remus to apologize to Sirius for her but Remus thought it was perhaps Sirius who owed her an apology.<p>

Remus slid out of bed, leaving Harry sleeping on the center of the bed peacefully and walked into the living room to find his lover sitting on the couch in the dark, alone.

"How did things go with Regulus?" Remus asked.

Sirius sighed then said, "Snape raped him."

"What?" Remus said in disbelief.

Remus went over to the couch and sat next to Sirius and put and arm around his shoulders.

"I made a bit of a scene when he told me. I yelled and said I was going to kill Snape. It's perhaps foolish of me to declare an intent to murder someone in a pub filled with people but it's what I did," Sirius said. Remus thought he looked sad and drained.

"Regs finally got me to calm down. He begged me not to bother Snape. He said now that Lily is dead Snape doesn't care anymore and isn't interested in him. He says he doesn't want to make trouble. But… I just can't stand the thought of that greasy haired slime getting his hands on my blood," Sirius said and Remus could see that Sirius's eyes were damp.

"Maybe Regulus can be convinced to report Snape if we try," Remus said.

Sirius shook his head.

"Not sure anyone will care about a queer bloke getting buggered. You know how people are," Sirius said.

"People will care. I promise you," Remus said.

Sirius wiped his eyes and nodded.

"I know Regs and I have never been close. He was the perfect son in my parents's eyes. I was everything they didn't want from a son. I hated Regs… No… I didn't hate him. But for a long time I didn't like him. I thought he was weak. God, I feel terrible even saying that," Sirius said and threw his head back and looked up at the ceiling.

"We all have terrible thoughts and feelings sometimes, Sirius. It is our actions that matter most," Remus said, reassuringly and kissed Sirius on the cheek.

Sirius sighed and said, "What do I do now, Remus? How am I supposed to deal with this?"

"All you can do is be supportive to your brother. Encourage him that it is OK to press charges against Snape but don't try and force him. It's his decision and he has a right to it. Aside from that there's not much that you can do," Remus said.

"You're probably right," Sirius said then looked directly at Remus and nodded lightly.

"Of course I am," Remus said.

"At least I don't have to worry about running into Snape. Apparently, he's moved back to Yorkshire," Sirius said.

"Well, that's something at least," Remus said.

"Not far enough if you ask me," Sirius said and stood up off the couch.

Remus stood up as well. He then stepped forward and opened his arms to Sirius who gladly accepted his embrace. They then pulled apart and Remus planted his lips on Sirius's and gave him a brief, soft kiss then pulled away.

"Harry is in our bed asleep," Remus said.

"He can stay there," Sirius said. "I think I'll find some comfort in having him there, between us. I need a reminder that there are still beautiful things in this world."

"I think Harry certainly qualifies for that," Remus said.


	4. Chapter 4 - A New Year

_February 10, 1996_

"Do you like living in Manchester?" Lily Evans asked Remus, who was laying back on her bed, feeling very comfortable.

"Not really," Remus said. "It's noisy and there are lot of people."

"Hmm. My family moved here from North Yorkshire. A town called Richmond," Lily said.

Remus didn't need to be told Lily was from Yorkshire, he could hear it in her accent. They were a lot of stereotypes about people from Yorkshire, particularly about them being tight with money or being stubborn and argumentative. Remus chose to ignore them.

He liked Lily. She had until recently been friends with Severus Snape but it seemed like that was over now. He had been leery of her for a time but she seemed to be very sorry for having overlooked the way Severus had been bullying him.

Lily had turned on her stereo and put in a cassette tape. As soon as the music started to play Remus immediately recognized it as Blur's album 'The Great Escape.' He had it himself.

"So I take it you've sided with Blur on this whole Britpop battle versus Oasis," Remus said and walked over to Lily who was putting the case for the cassette back in its container on her dresser.

Lily turned around and smiled then shook her head.

"Do I have to pick? Can't I like them both?" Lily said.

"Yeah, you can. I guess I didn't think anyone did," Remus said.

"Well, I do," Lily said defiantly.

Remus admired Lily's ability to not care about trends or social norms. He wished he could be as comfortable with himself as she could. He felt short compared to most boys. His parents promised him that he would grow with puberty but he was nearly thirteen now and nothing seemed to be changing.

Remus looked at Lily who was smiling and and singing along with 'Stereotypes', the opening track of 'The Great Escape', and noticed that Lily was slightly taller than he was now. He was certain he she hadn't been taller than him when he first met her a year and a half ago.

And then there were the scars. He saw the way people looked at him, especially when they first saw him. He knew how ugly the scar across his face made him.

Luckily, he could hide the scars elsewhere under clothing, though he did avoid showering with other boys if he could help it. And he never took his shirt off to swim.

But Lily had never seemed to care about the scar on his face. There was no way she hadn't noticed it but whatever her thoughts were about it she did not reveal them outwardly.

Lily glanced at Remus and smiled, flashing her amazing green eyes at him then looking away, her dark red hair falling in front of her face. Remus felt a little embarrassed then tugged at the sleeves of his large sweater and then licked his lips nervously.

Lily went and sat on the corner of her bed. Remus wasn't sure what to do so he decided to glance out the window. Nothing important was out there but cars, buses and rain.

"Come sit down, will you?" Lily asked and Remus nodded and sat down on her bed, at the opposite corner. Something about the way Lily was smiling at him made him nervous but somewhat excited but he wasn't sure what it was.

Lily scooted over to Remus on the bed and he felt his heart race and his hands began to feel clammy.

"Remus… have you ever snogged a girl before?" Lily asked.

"Snogged a girl?" Remus said in shock. "No, of course not. I've never even thought about it."

"What about a boy?" Lily asked, sounding excited.

"A boy? What do you mean?" Remus said, feeling more nervous than ever.

"It's a simple question! Have you ever snogged anyone?" Lily asked.

"No. No, I haven't. Haven't really had the time," Remus said simply saying the first thing that came to mind, though he knew it didn't make much sense.

"Haven't had the time?" Lily asked skeptically.

"Well, what I mean is is that I'm only twelve. And anyway I don't think anyone wants to be snogging me," Remus said.

"Why not? You're a handsome bloke," Lily said.

Remus felt himself blush and she looked away.

"You don't really mean, Lils," Remus said and looked away. "I know… I know I'm ugly."

"Ugly? That's rubbish!" Lily said and moved closer to Remus and put her hand on his chin and guided his face back around to her.

Remus looked at Lily and saw that she had a sincere and cautious look about her. Her eyes seemed to be examining him and he got the sense that she was searching for what to say next.

"I don't care about your scar, Remus," Lily said and leaned over and pressed her lips into his. It was an odd sensation but altogether pleasant, Remus decided. Her lips were thin, soft and somehow unobtrusive. They briefly moved against his lips then she pulled away.

Remus smiled, despite himself.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Lily said.

"No. No it wasn't. Where'd you learn to… do it? That wasn't your first time!" Remus said.

Lily looked a bit worried for a moment then just smiled and said, "I used to snog a friend. It wasn't a big deal. Just snogging."

"Is that what this is? Just snogging," Remus said.

"Yeah. Of course it is. We're just friends and anyway you're into blokes," Lily said.

Remus looked stunned. How could Lily possibly know that? He hadn't told anyone!

"How… how do you know?" Remus asked.

"'Cause I like looking a cute blokes and sometimes I catch you looking at them too," Lily said.

"You won't tell anyone will you? Please don't!" Remus said.

"You're secret's safe with me," Lily said and gave him a hug. Remus sighed in relief.

* * *

><p>Remus and Sirius were kissing on the couch while Harry played with his blocks on the floor. The clock had just struck midnight on New Years. It was now 2005. Their first full year with Harry was ahead of them.<p>

Sirius wasn't sure if there was another human being who was as good at kissing as Remus Lupin. His full lips were were sensual and oddly commanding and enticing without ever being forceful. And he never used more tongue than was needed.

Sirius was hoping for a bit of a shag after they put Harry to bed though he was beginning to wonder if the boy was ever going to tire. He had been remarkably active today.

For now the only thing Sirius could think about was Remus and the warmth of his touch. Sure they'd have time to sneak in a little time for sex here and there but they hadn't had time for a real proper fuck since before James and Lily died. Sirius for one was getting a bit frustrated.

When their mouths finally parted Sirius glanced over and saw that Harry was passed out on the floor. He then turned back to Remus, lifted an eyebrow and smiled at him. Remus smiled, nodded and said, "I'll put him in bed. You go get yourself ready."

Sirius did just that. He wasted no time in moving to their bedroom as quickly as he could and tearing off his clothes and getting on all fours on the bed. He even set the lube out so it would be ready for Remus after he put some lube on his own fingers to help himself stroke his own cock.

Remus was in the bedroom in no time. Sirius turned his head and watched and Remus tossed off his old sweater, revealing his scarred torso, then unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers and pulled them off, leaving himself standing in his pants with a significant and familiar bulge in them.

Remus smiled at Sirius then pulled off his pants, revealing his large, hard prick. Remus walked over to the bed and Sirius felt as Remus climbed up and scooted behind Sirius. Sirius then felt as Remus began to lick at Sirius's hole which always felt nice. Remus had a way with his tongue.

Sirius softly stroked himself as Remus pulled his mouth away and Sirius could hear him opening the tube of lubricant and squeezing some out. Sirius looked back and saw Remus slicking up his long and thick shaft behind him with ease.

Sirius then turned forward and closed his eyes to focus on the feelings. He felt Remus rest his prick against the small of Sirius's back. It felt wet, hot and heavy. Sirius wanted so badly for Remus to put it inside of him. He needed to feel stretched and full, to feel complete.

Remus slid the head of his cock down to Sirius's hole. Gently he pushed inside, making Sirius gasp. Remus slowly pushed himself in. Remus was always careful and gentle, at least at this part. He was always rough when Sirius needed him to be.

Finally, Remus was as deep as he could go. Sirius began to stroke himself a little harder as Remus began to pump his prick in and out of Sirius's arse.

"Oh, Remus, just like that. Fuck, I need this," Sirius said.

"You always do. God, your arse feels great, Sirius," Remus said and began to move faster.

Sirius reveled in the joy of having Remus's prick inside of him but he knew this wasn't enough.

"Fuck me harder, Remus," Sirius begged feeling his grip on his own cock tightening.

Remus grabbed firmly onto Sirius's hips and began to pound into Sirius's arse, as requested. Yes, this was exactly what, Sirius needed, he thought.

"Yes, just like that. Don't stop. Need to feel you," Sirius called out while his hand stroked his cock, frantically.

Remus pounded hard into Sirius, making grunts and moans. Sirius could feel his balls tightening to him and knew it wouldn't be long until he came. But he had to hold on until Remus came. He wanted them to finish together.

Sirius began to push back onto Remus's cock to increase the friction. Remus's grunts became harder and his moans louder.

"Fuck, Sirius. I'm going to come so fucking hard," Remus said and began to slam into Sirius.

This is it, Sirius thought and he stroked himself hard as Remus's body jerked and he called out, "Ahhhh. Fuck!" as Sirius felt Remus's prick pulsing inside of him and Sirius felt pleasure rip through his body and he clenched himself around Remus hard as his spunk shot all over the sheets.

Remus pulled out and fell over on the bed next to Sirius. Sirius rolled on to his side and scooted next to Remus then smiled at him.

Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius softly then pulled away. Remus looked behind him toward the door.

"Do you hear that?" Remus said.

"No?" Sirius said.

"Exactly," Remus said. "Harry didn't wake up."

Just then there was a commotion outside. Some late night partiers partying a little too loudly, perhaps.

As is on cue Harry began to cry. Remus sighed and Sirius threw his head back onto his pillow.

"I'm really getting sick of Manchester, you know," Sirius said.

"Yes. I understand exactly what you mean," Remus said then got up to take care of Harry.

* * *

><p><em>October 4, 2004<em>

"I need to tell you something, mate. And I don't want you to get upset," James said as he and Sirius stood on the balcony of his and Lily's Manchester flat.

Sirius sighed, bracing himself then said, "All right. Go ahead."

"Me and Lils are thinking about moving away from Manchester," James said.

"Moving away from- Are you serious?" Sirius said.

James raised an eyebrow and smiled slyly. Sirius scowled at him. He wasn't in the mood for any bloody 'serious sounds like Sirius' jokes right now.

"Yeah, I am. We are, I mean. We don't think the city is the best place for Harry," James said.

"It was good enough for us!" Sirius objected.

James shrugged then shook his head.

"Lily talks a lot about her hometown, Richmond. We're thinking about moving there," James admitted.

"To North Yorkshire? Nothing but Tories and sheep up here," Sirius said.

"Lily says it's nice. We're gonna take a trip up there after New Years. You and Remus should come with us," James said.

Sirius huffed and crossed his arms in frustration. How could they do this him? Surely, they wouldn't take Harry so far away.

"I don't know. I'll talk to Remus and see how he feels," Sirius said.

James and Sirius stood there in silence, watching the people and traffic below. Sirius felt anxious. He wanted to beg James not to go. How would he deal with his best friend not being by his side?

Suddenly James spoke again, "I really think it might be for the best. Maybe Lils and I won't fit in that well up there but it will be a less stressful environment for Harry and he's what matters, you know," James said.

Sirius sighed. James was probably right, damn him. Sirius nodded but said nothing in reply. There was nothing he could say.

* * *

><p>Remus awoke suddenly to the feeling of Sirius shaking him by the shoulder. What on Earth could he possibly want? The sun appeared to have only just come up and they hadn't even got to bed until three in the morning. It was New Years Day and Remus didn't think anything important could be happening.<p>

"Remus I need to talk to you. Wake up!" Sirius said urgently.

"OK, OK. I'm awake, Sirius. What in the dickens is the matter?" Remus said, rolling over to face Sirius.

"We should move to Richmond!" Sirius said.

"Richmond? Lily's hometown? Hard to imagine a couple of queer blokes like us fitting in up there," Remus said.

"I never got around to telling you before. I guess… I guess I was in denial about it. But James and Lily were thinking of moving there before…" Sirius started but couldn't bring himself to finish.

Remus nodded and touched Sirius's shoulder, sympathetically.

"I think they would have wanted us to do this," Sirius said.

"You may be right, Sirius. But how will we manage? You'll have to get a job, you know. And I'll need to find one in Richmond, fast. I don't have much money in savings but it might be enough to get us there at least," Remus said.

"I'm not suggesting we move there right this minute, you know. But… I think we should consider it. If for nothing else but for Harry's sake. It's a way to connect him to his past, to connect him to Lily," Sirius said.

Remus looked closely at his lovers face. This was a big step for them to take. He knew it couldn't have been easy for Sirius to come to this decision, not with his anxiety. But he could see that he was sincere about this.

"Let's do it," Remus said. "After we've had some more sleep though."

Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius lightly on the nose with a smile then rolled back over and closed his eyes, drifting quickly back off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5 - Peter

July 2, 2003

Remus was standing outside the cottage and staring up at the moon when Sirius found him. The cottage was located on the coast near Tintagel, Cornwall. It was believed by some that King Arthur was born at a castle here.

James had inherited the cottage from his parents when they passed away. James had invited Remus, Sirius and Peter to come here with him and Lily before Harry was born as one last memory of their youth before adulthood took it from them.

Sirius quietly walked up behind Remus and wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and rested a head on his shoulder.

"I've always found an odd sort of comfort in full moons," Remus said.

"Are you in need of comfort, Remus?" Sirius asked and squeezed Remus to him a little tighter.

"Not as such. I was just… thinking about things," Remus said then sighed slowly.

"What is it, love?" Sirius said, then kissed Remus's neck.

"I'm not sure, if I'm being honest. It's… something implacable and out of reach in the back of my mind. A sense of change on the horizon," Remus answered.

"It's a baby, not the end of the world," Sirius said and pressed his face into the top of Remus's head and inhaled. They'd gone to the beach today and Remus's hair smelled of the ocean. Tomorrow they'd have a look at the castle.

"It's not the baby it's what he represents. Everything is going to change. Lily and James are going to be parents and that means more responsibilities for them both. They're so young… we're so young," Remus said.

Sirius looked behind his shoulder back into the cottage. James, Lily and Peter were seated at a table. Lily was laying her head on James's shoulder. Sirius couldn't believe Lily still had four more weeks left. She looked like she was ready to explode, though he realized it might be impolite to say that out loud.

"Yes, they are. We are. But loads of people do it. Actually, for that matter, loads of people do it younger than them. They'll manage. Well, Lily will. Still not sure about James if I'm being honest," Sirius said.

"I've no doubt they'll be a great parents. Lily will be a fantastic mum and I think James might surprise you. He always pulls through when it matters. No, it's not that I'm worried about," Remus said.

"What then?" Sirius asked.

"It's what's being lost. We've just barely stopped not being children and now… it's like it's being pulled away forever," Remus said.

Sirius wasn't used to seeing Remus this anxious. Normally, Sirius was the anxious one.

"There's something else isn't there. It's not just this encroaching adulthood business," Sirius said then let a hand slip to Remus's side to find Remus's hand which he then clasped into his own.

Remus was quiet for a moment. Getting him to talk too deeply about his feelings wasn't always easy but Sirius knew Remus would feel better if he'd get it out.

"It's Lily. I feel like I'm going to lose her. She's been my best friend for so long. I nearly thought I lost her when she got with James," Remus said.

"I'm losing my best friend too, you know," Sirius said and pulled away from Remus and stepped in front of him.

Remus avoided Sirius's eyes and kept his focus on the moon.

"I know that. And I know we're not really losing them. Life goes on. And I know we have each other and technically Lily and James aren't going anywhere. It's not like they're dying, for God's sake. And there's Peter," Remus said then looked back into the cottage where Peter was feeling Lily's stomach and laughing.

"When he's around," Sirius finished for Remus.

"Yeah. He never really is anymore, though, is he?" Remus replied.

Peter's mum had been ill for sometime now and this was increasingly taking up more and more of Peter's time and energy.

Peter seemed to notice them looking in at him because he smiled in their direction then quickly abandoned James and Lily and came out of the cottage to see how they were doing.

"Hello, Peter. We were just talking about you," Sirius said.

"Oh nothing bad I hope lads," Peter said before ruffling his blond hair in nervousness.

"Of course not, Pete. We're just a bit sad that we never see you around much anymore," Sirius said.

Peter walked past them and looked out at the coast. Sirius noticed Pete's walk was a bit unstable. He'd clearly drank a little too much tonight.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Mum's got worse recently. There's just no one else but me to help out, you know," Peter said.

"Would you like some help? Sirius and I would be happy to lend a hand with anything your mum needed," Remus said.

Peter looked bothered at this and shook his head.

"Oh no, I don't think mum would like that. She's very private, you see. Doesn't take kindly to strangers if you know what I mean," Peter replied.

Remus gave Peter a suspicious look but whatever his suspicion was he kept to himself. Instead he nodded and said, "Yes, of course. Your mum has a right to her privacy and we wouldn't want to intrude."

"I appreciate the offer though. You're bloody great friends," Peter said and laid his hands on both Remus's and Sirius's shoulders before pulling them to him and embracing them both. Sirius noticed Peter was trembling. Did he share Remus's fears?

"What about us then, mate?" James said suddenly, startling Sirius.

"Oh, you and Lils are more than just bloody great. You're amazing," Peter said and went over and embraced James and Lily as well.

Sirius was moved at this sight and felt himself tear up. Remus must have noticed because he grabbed Sirius and kissed him. Now it was no use. He was crying.

The five of them then stepped forward and looked out at the coast, lit only by the light of the full moon. For a moment they stood and watched the water in silence. Then Sirius felt Remus grab his left hand. Sirius looked over and realized they were all holding hands: Peter was holding James's, James holding Lily's, Lily holding Remus's and Remus holding Sirius's.

"We'll have to bring Harry here, next year," Sirius said.

"Absolutely, mate. Actually, Lils, I was thinking maybe we should just hang around here until he's born," James said with a big grin on his face.

"Oh what? So he can be born where King Arthur was born?" Lily said with a skeptical look at James.

"Oh no, of course not. Actually, it's a misconception that he was born here. Just conceived here with some help from Merlin," James said.

"Merlin didn't have a part to play in Harry's conception, that's for sure. I mean I'm up for a bit of experimentation but I draw a line at mythical wizards," Lily said sarcastically.

"All this talk of conception is making me want to give it a go right now. You lads go inside, will you and give me and Lils some privacy," James said, trying his best to sound serious.

"Oh fuck off, mate," Sirius said. "You can find your own time for shagging."

"Fair enough," James said then turned and winked at Sirius. Sirius knew well enough that James might wait for everyone to fall asleep and convince Lily to sneak back out here to fool around anyway.

"Do you suppose it's true?" Peter said.

"What's that Pete?" James asked.

"Oh, you know. Merlin. King Arthur," Peter said.

James rubbed his chin in thought.

"I don't know. It's nice to think about though," James admitted.

"I think it's bollocks," Sirius said.

"You would," James said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked with a sharp glare at James.

"You never want to believe there's anything more to world, Sirius. No ghosts, or magic or even God. Seems a bit of a boring way to look at things, if you ask me," James said.

Sirius scoffed but kept otherwise silent. It was a nice moment they were having. No reason to ruin it with an argument.

"Well, I think it was real," Peter said.

"Good for you, Pete," James said with a smile at him.

"I'm with Sirius on this one, I must confess," Lily said.

James turned and looked appalled at his wife.

"Betrayal!" James said.

"What about you, Remus?" Peter said.

Sirius examined his boyfriend's face. Remus looked down at the ground for a second then looked back up with a smile.

"I don't suppose we can really know. Perhaps, there is some historical basis in the myth. If you are asking me if I believe in wizards and magic and that the entire bloody legend is true, then no. But could there have been a King Arthur? Perhaps," Remus said.

Peter smiled down at Remus and nodded.

"Yeah, Perhaps," Peter said then looked back out at the coast, a satisfied smile on his face.

* * *

><p>"When was the last time you heard from Peter?" Sirius said, casually.<p>

Remus put the shirt he had just folded in his suitcase and thought for a moment. He had called Peter Pettigrew a couple of times since the funeral but he didn't recall hearing back from him.

Remus shook his head.

"I don't know. It's been awhile. Five months perhaps," Remus said.

"I wonder if his mum's all right," Sirius said.

"You think maybe something has happened to his mum?" Remus asked.

"No, but it might explain why Peter has been hiding away since the accident," Sirius said before make a silly face at Harry who was playing with blocks on the bedroom floor.

"Do you think we should check on him?" Remus asked.

Harry ran over to Remus and offered him a block which Remus considered with amusement.

"Here Wemus!" Harry said with the block outstretched to Remus.

"Not just now, Harry," Remus said and waved a hand in dismissal causing Harry to run back over to Sirius.

"I suppose we could. I know he said his mother doesn't like strangers… but I don't think I could bear leaving Manchester without saying goodbye. We should at least try and phone him again first," Sirius said.

"You're right. Let me grab my mobile," Remus said and went over to the night stand and grabbed it then dialed Peter's number.

The line rang several times before there was finally an answer. At first no one spoke and Remus nearly hung up and tried again before a quiet, unsettled voice said: "Hello."

"Hello? Peter?" Remus said.

"Yeah, it's me. Hello, Remus," Peter said.

"Sirius and I were wondering if you were all right. We haven't heard from you since the funeral," Remus said.

There was no reply.

"Peter?" Remus said.

"Yeah?" Peter replied.

"Peter, are you all right?" Remus repeated.

A pause then, "Sure."

Remus grimaced then shook his head.

"Sirius and I are coming over," Remus said.

"No! Don't do that! Mum-" Peter stammered but Remus hung up.

Remus looked down at Sirius and frowned.

"Peter doesn't sound like he's doing well. To hell with his mother's comfort. He's our friend," Remus said.

* * *

><p>Remus knocked on the door to the apartment Peter shared with his mother, Almira Pettigrew. Sirius expected them to have a long wait given Peter's attitude on the phone but it was only a few seconds before there was a sound of several locks being unlatched and unlocked and the door slowly creaked partially open.<p>

Almira Pettigrew smelled of liquor and she looked haggard and even thinner than Sirius remembered. She didn't say anything at first, instead letting her eyes dart back and forth between them both, occasionally fixing on Harry who was in Sirius's arms.

"Hello, Mrs. Pettigrew. We're here to see, Peter," Remus said.

"Peter's not here," Almira said.

"When will he be back?" Sirius asked.

"Never. He moved out months ago," Almira replied.

Sirius felt his mouth drop open and then try to form a question but it wouldn't come.

"Where did he move to?" Remus asked, picking up Sirius's slack.

Almira scowled and shook her head.

"I've no idea. Ran off with that girlfriend of his," Almira said.

"Girlfriend?" Remus asked, confused.

"Yeah. Yaxley. Maddy Yaxley," Almira answered.

Sirius remembered Madeleine Yaxley from school. His opinion of her hadn't been good. She was dark haired and beautiful but in a dangerous sort of way. Definitely not the right type for Peter.

"Madeline Yaxley? Are you sure?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, that's her. Little trollop is corrupting my sweet boy," Almira said.

This didn't make any sense, Sirius thought. Why would Peter run off and leave his ill mother for Madeleine Yaxley? Sirius suddenly felt bad for Almira.

"I'm sorry that Peter just left like that, Mrs. Pettigrew. How are you feeling?" Sirius asked.

Harry suddenly began to cry and Sirius could see this bothered Almira, greatly. They couldn't linger much longer, then. In the meantime, Remus took Harry from Sirius and gave him a bottle.

"Me? I'm all right. Just worried about my boy," Almira said.

Sirius studied her for a moment. It was true. She didn't look ill. Just… tired. She looked older than she was but that had always been true. She reeked of alcohol but that was nothing knew either. Almira Pettigrew wasn't ill, she was just an alcoholic. Peter had been lying to them.

* * *

><p>Remus and Sirius sat at the dining table in the dark in quiet contemplation. Harry was asleep. Remus couldn't believe Peter had been lying to them all this whole time. Not just them but James and Lily too. What the devil had he been up to?<p>

"Has Peter had some secret life and not been telling us?" Sirius asked.

"Perhaps. But why? If he had a girlfriend, why not tell us?" Remus answered.

"Because it's Maddy Yaxley," Sirius said with a pointed glare at Remus.

"True enough. She did have a terrible reputation at school," Remus said.

"Yes. He knows we don't like her and wouldn't approve of her," Sirius said.

"He can't know that! He could give us a chance. Maybe-" Remus started but Sirius shook his head, stopping Remus mid-sentence.

"It would be pointless for him to bother. But I think it must be something more than a girl," Sirius said.

"You're probably right. I'm just not sure what," Remus said.

Just then there was a small knock at their front door.

Remus got up from the table and Sirius followed him. Remus opened the door quickly to find Peter standing there, looking disheveled and wet from rain and smelling of alcohol every bit as much as his mother had earlier.

"Peter?" Remus said, his voice coming out a mixture of worry and amazement.

Peter nodded, his face downturned.

"Can I come in?" Peter asked, his voice small and tired.

"Of course you can. Sirius will you get him a towel," Remus said.

Remus let Peter in while Sirius dutifully went for the towel. Peter sat down at the table just in time for Sirius to get back. Peter dried himself off while Remus made him a cup of tea.

With Peter dry and tea served Remus decided to let Peter relax a bit before interrogating him. He tried his best to flash Sirius as many glances as he could, hoping the message would get across. It must have because Sirius also remained silent.

Finally, Peter had finished his tea and Remus spoke: "Why have you been lying to us about your mum and Maddy Yaxley?"

Peter sighed.

"I've done much worse than that, I'm afraid," Peter said. He was staring off to the side, avoiding eye contact with either of them.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"I killed them," Peter said. "I killed James and Lily."

Peter began to cry. At first quietly before evolving into a sob.

"I killed them! It was me! My fault!" Peter cried.

"Don't be ridiculous, Pete. A drunk driver killed them. You weren't even there," Sirius said.

Peter wiped at his eyes desperately and tried to pull himself together. He shook his head.

"No, that's where you're wrong. Well, I wasn't there. That's true enough. But Tom… Tom wouldn't have been drunk if I hadn't let him! Don't you see!" Peter said.

"Tom? That's the driver?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Tom Riddle. He was a… friend of mine and Maddy's. Snape and your brother knew him too," Peter said, glancing at Sirius at this last part.

"Regs knew him?" Sirius asked and Peter nodded.

"He was an older bloke. Most folks found him a bit scary or intimidating. I guess maybe I did too," Peter said.

Remus wasn't sure what to say so he just nodded.

"I met him through Maddy, of course. We started dating about two years ago. I'd been interested in her back in school but I knew what you lot would all say so I kept it to myself," Peter said and gave them a regretful look.

"Anyway, Maddy introduced me to him. She said he'd change my life and my way of thinking. Help me learn to better myself. Not sure he did if I'm being honest," Peter said.

"But I had him over to drink sometimes. He'd go on and on about the world and how it was all the brown skinned people who were holding the whites back. Shit like that. Made me uncomfortable but he had a way of making you want to listen, like I said."

Remus flinched internally. Tom sounded like a major arsehole.

"We had a get together that night… the night… they died. I didn't want Tom to drink since he'd drove over to our apartment. But he insisted and I simply lacked the courage to do the right thing and kick him out before he got drunk. And to make matters worse he had work in the morning so he left a before properly sobering up And then… then," Peter said and began to sob again.

Remus felt cold all over. Peter's cowardice had contributed to James and Lily's deaths. There was no way around that. But Peter needed to know their deaths weren't his fault. Not really.

And then Sirius punched Peter from across the table.

"Ahhh awww," Peter said as he hit the floor.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted.

"Peter, helped kill James and Lily, Remus!" Sirius said. He sounded angry but his face showed mostly sadness.

"Violence will not help. Dammit, Sirius there was no way Peter could've known. Yes, it was irresponsible to allow his friend to drive drunk. At the very least he could've made him take the bus and deal with his car later," Remus said as Peter pulled himself back up.

Peter's face looked all right. Sirius didn't appear to have damaged him in any sort of way, other than emotionally.

"His irresponsibility got our friends killed! Even he knows it, why don't you?" Sirius said.

"Actions have consequences, this is true. But it is more Tom's actions than Peter's that killed them. Look at Peter, Sirius," Remus said and gestured at Peter.

Sirius glared at Peter who was looking away from him.

"Hasn't he punished himself enough," Remus said.

Sirius sighed.

"Listen, Pete. Maybe you should just… go back home to your girlfriend or something," Sirius said.

"I can't. We broke up. She dumped me," Peter admitted.

"Oh," Sirius said.

"You can stay here with us. Sirius and I don't mind, do we?" Remus said and flashed Sirius a look meant to convey that they definitely did not mind.

Reluctantly, Sirius nodded and said, "Sure, why not?" before getting up from the table, probably to get a blanket for Peter.

Remus and Peter sat in silence for a moment. Remus couldn't imagine what Peter was feeling. Remus was feeling numb. This had been an emotionally exhausting day. He needed sleep. Then tomorrow they needed to pack more for the move.

A thought occurred to Remus at that moment but he put it aside for the time being as Sirius came back with Peter's blanket. He and Remus said their goodnights and agreed to talk over things tomorrow more reasonably.

Sirius awoke to find Remus standing at the window, looking up at the sky. The moon was barely visible through the clouds but Remus seemed to have found it.

"Something bothering you?" Sirius asked.

"No. For once, something is not. It's more… I've had a thought but I'm afraid to say it," Remus admitted.

"Well now you have to say because you've brought it up," Sirius said with a small smile.

"I know. Just promise me you won't overreact," Remus said.

"I can't promise that. Just bloody say it," Sirius said.

Remus nodded and his shoulders slumped.

"I want Peter to come with us to Richmond," Remus said.

"What?" Sirius said, feeling more baffled than angry.

"I think it would be good for him to get away from here. Besides, he can't be the only one of us who gets stuck in Manchester," Remus said.

"You're probably right. And… knowing James and Lily it's what they'd've wanted as well," Sirius confessed, despite himself.

"Very well. We'll tell Pete in the morning and see what he thinks," Remus said.

"I'm sure Harry will be happy to have his Uncle Pete around," Sirius said.

"I think I will too. He is our friend, you know," Remus said and thankfully returned to bed and Sirius found himself peacefully in Remus's arms.


End file.
